Work it, work it, work it!

So it's been a few days since I've been here, and usually that reeks of backwards steps, and heading in the direction that I do not want to go. But this time, it's actually because I've been pretty busy, not only in life but also in my WW journey.

Wednesday was not a good day for me. I feel like I hit rock bottom. I didn't eat well - after an entire day of not eating, I probably wasted most of my point on food I ate at work, which was not a good plan. After work, I went home and changed clothes, intending to work out at the SAC (Student Activity Center) at LU. But when I got there, they informed me that they were closing the ten minutes. I was so heartbroken; I had finally made an effort to go and work out, and it turned out to do nothing for me. I drove around Nashville, not wanting to go home, but feeling completely discouraged. I found myself eventually at Melissa's house (where my mom just happened to be... I think I ended up there for a reason), and they helped remind me that yes, this is hard work. But it's nothing I haven't been able to do before. We brainstormed some ways to help get me - and Melissa - back on track, and I went home feeling much better.

Apparently, hitting rock bottom was just what I needed. Thursday, I didn't count my points as religiously as I should have, but I did get on the treadmill at my parents' house for 30 minutes. Then, on Friday and Saturday, I got up early-ish to go to the SAC and spent 30 minutes on an elliptical machine and 30 minutes on an exercise bike. On top of that, I counted all of my points. Yesterday I wasn't so good, but it was Father's Day, and I was much more aware of what I was eating, how much I was eating, and listening to my body's hunger signals (or lack thereof). I've been pretty proud of myself, staying on track pretty well.

I had planned to get up this morning and work out, but considering that I only got four hours of sleep on Saturday night, I decided to sleep in and give myself another break. Buit you can bet, tomorrow I will be there for a full hour. :)

Three steps in the wrong direction.

Or should I say, three pounds in the wrong direction.

Went to WW last night, and was shocked to see I had gained three more pounds. I don't know how it happened; I know I wasn't super good last week, but I certainly did not realize that I was THAT bad. I think if I want this to work, I'm going to have to start journaling my food again. Lately, I haven't been writing things down - just been keeping track mentally of what I've been eating - and obviously, it hasn't been working. So today, I start writing things down again. It's going to be a challenging week, because tonight I work at Bethesda, which is always a temptation (good food for free) but I'm going to try my best to stay on program.

Also, another kick in the stomach - I got approved for health insurance, which is a good thing, but my premium went up because of my weight. And now I have to pay for the difference with my own money. I suppose I could blame my circumstances, but in the end it's my fault for letting myself gain all this weight back.

I just really need to get back on program.

I wish it was easier than this.

Gahck.

I'm hating blogger right now. Can't remember my password, and it takes jumping through hoops just to get it back. Think I got the hang of it now, but it's just been annoying.

Doing okay as far as WW is concerned. Still haven't been writing things down, which is not a good thing, but it's a new week. I am paying very close attention to what I am eating, and why I am eating, and that for sure is a start. And even though I'm not doing as well as I have in the past, at least I'm writing it down here, and confessing my sins to the world (well, the one or three people who follow me in the internet world).

Another thing that has been bothering me is the fact that I haven't been sleeping well at all. About a week ago, I tried going to bed around 1:00 am, and didn't sleep until 4:00 am, and then woke up around 8. Ever since then, I've been going to bed around 2:00 am, and sleeping in until 11:00 am. I've tried changing this - I went to bed around 12:30 last night - but I still couldn't sleep until 2:00. It's incredibly frustrating, especially when I would like to start getting up earlier to work out and boost my WW efforts. If it keeps up like this, I may have to start taking melatonin just to get back on track. Not my favorite idea, because I don't want to take the chance of becoming dependent on any kind of drug or substance to help me sleep.

Having dinner with Melissa tonight, meaning I won't be eating poorly (unlike last night... got called into work for a 6 hour shift, and when I got home, I just didn't really care what I ate...). And hopefully, if Caitlin isn't doing anything on Tuesday, I will go hang with her and maybe we could work out together. I was gonna ask her this morning at church, but apparently she wasn't feeling good (if you're reading, Caitlin, feel better~!). So I'll be shooting her a text or FB message soon.

I know this may be monotonous, but I'm glad that I'm doing this for me. Being able to hold myself accountable here makes me feel like I'm doing something, even if it is seemingly small. :)

Fun night, but...

I went contra dancing tonight with Rose and Hailey, my little sister. For those of you who may not know, contra dancing was English country dancing around Jane Austen's era, and when it came to North America it was put to country dancing. It's a lot of fun, and quite a bit of a workout. You're constantly moving, and each dance takes ten to fifteen minutes, depending on the caller. It's easy to learn, and sooo much fun.

Anyways, I went tonight, hoping to get a good workout and really enjoy myself, but there just weren't as many guys as girls out there tonight, and I only got asked for two dances. It kinda bummed me out, I think. I definitely left there feeling like I had lost $7 (the entrance fee). This is something that I'm really good at, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't like to show off, so it kinda hurt that I didn't get to get out on the dance floor any more than I did. And I'd say, "There's always next week," but I'm probably working next week... so maybe not.

Came home and fixed myself a mug of hot cocoa with a shot of Bailey's in it, which I considered to be a relatively good change (usually I come home and just eat whatever is in the pantry). I still need to do my exercises before I go to bed, but I'm not in any rush to hit the sack just yet either.

Not sure what my plans are for tomorrow yet, tho I am thinking about going to work out at the SAC at school.I've got nothing better planned, and a little cardio isn't a bad idea. :)

I'm baaaaaaack!!!

So I know it has been entirely too long since I last updated. A lot of things have happened, some good, a lot not so good, and some just downright bad. All in all, yes, I have gotten waaaaaaay off track. And it has shown in my numbers. But I am as determined as ever to get back on track and do this for me.

I've graduated college since the last time I updated here, and since then, I have a lot on my plate. Trying to find a new job, which I'm finding soooo much easier in theory than reality. Moving back home, which I have mixed feelings about (I'm super bummed about losing my brother as a roommate, but I love my family and am happy to spend some time with them before moving out for good). And even though it's been almost three months, I still miss Grandaddy a lot, and not a day goes by when I don't think about him and wish he were still with us.

But despite all of this, I am determined to get back on this program. I deserve to be happy and confident in myself. I deserve to feel beautiful. And I deserve to be healthy. After all, I'm 22 years old, and I've just graduated college. These are the prime years of my life!! I want to look back on them one day and be proud of what I did during this time, not regret what I could have done.

So starting today, I am going after this with a fresh resolve. I am eating better, starting exercising (even if it's seemingly small - work with free weights and crunches), and drinking water out the wazoo.

In addition to all this, I'm putting in place a reward system to treat myself for every milestone I reach (a milestone being every 5 lbs. I lose). Tony, my boyfriend, is helping me - he offered to take my on a special date for every 5 lbs. I lose. He's always been very supportive of my Weight Watchers journey, even though he has loved me at any weight I've been at. He wants to help, and I think his contribution will definitely help keep me motivated.

The rest of the rewards are as follows:
30 lbs. - A coffee table book (I know this seems small, but I've wanted to buy one for a while now... Either a PostSecret book, or if I can find a good coffee table book on the Greek Pantheon... yes, I am a geek)
40 lbs. - Ouran High School Host Club, part II (I've been meaning to buy this for a looooong time, and now, I AM GOING TO GET IT, DANGIT)
50 lbs. - New article of clothing (Not sure what yet...)

I've gained almost 25 lbs. from my skinniest weight (having lost 48 lbs. last summer), so I have a ways to go before I get to where I was. But I'm going to get there. I'm doing this because I want to, not because I have to.

Here to a new me, a new today, and a new resolve to finally do this!