Didn't do as well as I had planned to today... but I'm not gonna let it get me down.
I started out the day with a big breakfast, because I knew I was gonna be eating lunch around 3 pm this afternoon. I have class consistently from 11-2:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I have to wait til after class to eat lunch. I had two eggs, two pieces of bacon, and a yogurt. I thought I would be okay, and I was, for the most part. But when I got home, the baked Cheetoes were awfully tempting, and instead of having just a bowl of soup, I had come Cheetoes as well. Not the best choice, but my day wasn't shot yet.
It was at dinner that things went downhill. I worked for Bethesda tonight. For those of you who don't know, Bethesda is a ministry at my church that help sex addicts, and we do workshops for participants once or twice a month. My job there is to help set up and clean up after meals. It's no wonder everything fell apart at dinner. I had a roll or two (I counted three by the end of it all), and a bit of apple cobbler. Not the best choices.
Then when I got home, Anthony was fixing brinner for the guys coming over, and they fixed Sister Schubert Cinnamon Rolls. Yes, I had two. I wanted something sweet, so I ate them.
You know, the day wasn't as good as I had hoped it would be, but I'm not discouraged. After all, last week I had a day when I got way off track, but I got focused and had fantastic results this week. So tomorrow is another day, and I know I will do better.
And even though I didn't make all the best decisions, I have to remind myself of the things that I did do right:
-I did my EA Active workout (even though I REALLY didn't want to today...)
-While I ate some food at Bethesda, I didn't go crazy and fix myself an entire plate. Instead I ate my Lean Cuisine when I got home, just like I planned.
-Even though I haven't journaled for the day (and I'm not looking forward to seeing how many points I went over), I'm still going to write everything down and count. I need to at least hold myself accountable.
Today I strayed a little from the path. But I know tomorrow will be better, because I will make sure that it is. :)
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
I feel like a million bucks. :)
So, after class today, I decided I was going to go to WW headquarters and weigh in for the week. I'm so used to Tuesdays being my WW day, I'm not sure I want to completely let go of it just yet. So I went to the WW building around 2:45 pm this afternoon to weigh in. I was kinda nervous, but I knew I had done well this week, so if it did not show on the scales, it would eventually.
I lost three pounds this week!!!
I'm shocked. I know I shouldn't be, but I haven't had a loss like this since right before I went on vacation in July. But it just goes to show that the program works!! It really does!! I journaled almost everything (I got off track last night and today, but that's kinda normal for me, and I was keeping track of everything I was eating), and I accomplished my goal of working out to my EA Active game 4 out of 7 days. I'm so thrilled with myself. I'm finally feeling excited about losing weight and getting healthy again. I know it's not going to be an easy journey - it's still going to be full of challenges. But knowing that I can do this, that makes all the difference in the world.
So, here's my numbers for this week:
Starting weight: 235.6 lbs.
Current weight: 198.2 lbs
Loss this week: 3 lbs.
Current loss: 37.4 lbs.
Goal weight: 155 lbs.
Pounds to lose: 43.2 lbs
I'm that much closer to my goals. And I think I'm floating.
I lost three pounds this week!!!
I'm shocked. I know I shouldn't be, but I haven't had a loss like this since right before I went on vacation in July. But it just goes to show that the program works!! It really does!! I journaled almost everything (I got off track last night and today, but that's kinda normal for me, and I was keeping track of everything I was eating), and I accomplished my goal of working out to my EA Active game 4 out of 7 days. I'm so thrilled with myself. I'm finally feeling excited about losing weight and getting healthy again. I know it's not going to be an easy journey - it's still going to be full of challenges. But knowing that I can do this, that makes all the difference in the world.
So, here's my numbers for this week:
Starting weight: 235.6 lbs.
Current weight: 198.2 lbs
Loss this week: 3 lbs.
Current loss: 37.4 lbs.
Goal weight: 155 lbs.
Pounds to lose: 43.2 lbs
I'm that much closer to my goals. And I think I'm floating.
Isn't having my cake and eating it too kinda like a paradox?
I meant to update a lot sooner before now. But things happen, and before you know it it's been three days since your last post. As it is, I wasn't planning on updating right now - I should be in Chapel... but I forgot my school ID, and I don't plan on attending a semi-mandatory meeting (that I already have issues with) if I'm not gonna get credit for it.
Anyways, Saturday night was hard for me at work, but I managed to do very well (I'm still kinda surprised at myself). I packed my dinner, just like I had on Friday night. And I was happy to see that there were not any tempting samples in the sample box - it made things a little easier for me. What did NOT make things easier was that, in the stockroom right next to the phone (where I usually have to eat my dinner standing up), there wasa box of Krispy Kreme donuts. Apparently, our boss's birthday was earlier in the week, and since she had been absent from work that day, one of the other retail employees had brought donuts for all the retail people instead of cake.It was a sweet gesture and all, but it was certainly not good for me to try to stay on track. But I'll have you know, I did not have one bite of any donut in that box. Oh sure, I opened the box plenty of times, and I may have smelled the donuts (you think I'm kidding; I'm not), but I didn't eat one. It was really hard, because by the end of the night I was really hungry (and also really bored), but I knew that I did not need them. And even though I wanted them, I wanted to make progress this week even more.
Sunday was an okay day. I was over my points, but I counted every little thing I ate. It didn't start out that was, tho. I mean, I had good intentions, but it was a hectic day (after church, we went bowling with our kids in our lifegroup - I had only about an hour to get gas, run by the apartment, eat lunch, and get out to Franklin, which is usually a 20 min. drive at least). It didn't help that I forgot my journal at home, too. So after dinner that night, I sat down and wrote down everything I ate on a napkin. I even sat in front of the open pantry to make sure that I wouldn't miss anything that I nibbled on. Overall, I went 5 points over, which is fine because I definitely have the points to spend.
Yesterday was harder than most. I started the day strong - ate a small breakfast, had lunch about an hour and a half after that, and when I came home from school, I didn't feel hungry so I didn't eat. But then Tony came over, and we went to Wal Mart to do some food shopping. We were planning to cook something, but Anthony reserved the kitchen for him to cook dinner with Lora (which put me off, because I had no idea that was the plan), so we had to step back and punt. We got a frozen meal, and I thought all was well.
But then, right as we were about to leave the store, Tony said he wanted some cake. At first, I led him to the Weight Watchers desserts because we've both been enjoying them together, and I know I'll be able to stay on track. But he wanted something richer; he ended up deciding on a piece of cake from the bakery. I was looking at the cakes there too, and reminscing on how bad I wanted one, but Tony kept telling me - well, more like encouraging me - to go buy the WW desserts. Eventually, I gave in, but I was really upset. How dare he buy something that I can't have when he knows it's my weakness! Why would he do that to me?
But then I remembered that this was not his problem. My addiction to food and desire to eat is what has gotten me so far off track, and it's what's made me the way I am. I then got mad at myself, because I realize it's moments like these that have made me slip back into my old habits. I realized I should have been grateful to Tony, because he told me what I should be doing, and helped me keep my goals in sight. I apologized to him once we got in the car, and explained to him how I was feeling, and he apologized too for even buying the cake (which was sweet, but he didn't have to - after all, he can eat what he wants. He shouldn't have to suffer because of me).
We then went home. Anthony let me and Tony have the rest of the food that he and Lora didn't eat (they had Turkey Patty Melts, and had two left over that we cooked), so I wasn't so upset about not using the kitchen to cook something healthy. Then I did my EA Active workout for Tony - he's the one who got it for me for Christmas, and he wanted to see how it worked - and then we had dessert. He had his cake, and I had my WW Peanut Butter Cup Sundae.
Yesterday was hard, and not all of it was fun, but it made me realize something about myself. This journey to a healthy lifestyle is one that I have to do for myself. If I try to do it for anyone else, it's not going to work. I know this is something I've been telling myself for a while now, but last night it just really seemed to sink in. I can't depend on other people to hold me up and keep me on track - granted, that does help me a lot. But if that's the only reason I keep on doing this, then I'm doing it for the wrong reasons.
So today I'm asking myself: how important is being healthy to me today? Maybe if I ask that question everyday, my goals won't seem quite so far away on that horizon.
Anyways, Saturday night was hard for me at work, but I managed to do very well (I'm still kinda surprised at myself). I packed my dinner, just like I had on Friday night. And I was happy to see that there were not any tempting samples in the sample box - it made things a little easier for me. What did NOT make things easier was that, in the stockroom right next to the phone (where I usually have to eat my dinner standing up), there wasa box of Krispy Kreme donuts. Apparently, our boss's birthday was earlier in the week, and since she had been absent from work that day, one of the other retail employees had brought donuts for all the retail people instead of cake.It was a sweet gesture and all, but it was certainly not good for me to try to stay on track. But I'll have you know, I did not have one bite of any donut in that box. Oh sure, I opened the box plenty of times, and I may have smelled the donuts (you think I'm kidding; I'm not), but I didn't eat one. It was really hard, because by the end of the night I was really hungry (and also really bored), but I knew that I did not need them. And even though I wanted them, I wanted to make progress this week even more.
Sunday was an okay day. I was over my points, but I counted every little thing I ate. It didn't start out that was, tho. I mean, I had good intentions, but it was a hectic day (after church, we went bowling with our kids in our lifegroup - I had only about an hour to get gas, run by the apartment, eat lunch, and get out to Franklin, which is usually a 20 min. drive at least). It didn't help that I forgot my journal at home, too. So after dinner that night, I sat down and wrote down everything I ate on a napkin. I even sat in front of the open pantry to make sure that I wouldn't miss anything that I nibbled on. Overall, I went 5 points over, which is fine because I definitely have the points to spend.
Yesterday was harder than most. I started the day strong - ate a small breakfast, had lunch about an hour and a half after that, and when I came home from school, I didn't feel hungry so I didn't eat. But then Tony came over, and we went to Wal Mart to do some food shopping. We were planning to cook something, but Anthony reserved the kitchen for him to cook dinner with Lora (which put me off, because I had no idea that was the plan), so we had to step back and punt. We got a frozen meal, and I thought all was well.
But then, right as we were about to leave the store, Tony said he wanted some cake. At first, I led him to the Weight Watchers desserts because we've both been enjoying them together, and I know I'll be able to stay on track. But he wanted something richer; he ended up deciding on a piece of cake from the bakery. I was looking at the cakes there too, and reminscing on how bad I wanted one, but Tony kept telling me - well, more like encouraging me - to go buy the WW desserts. Eventually, I gave in, but I was really upset. How dare he buy something that I can't have when he knows it's my weakness! Why would he do that to me?
But then I remembered that this was not his problem. My addiction to food and desire to eat is what has gotten me so far off track, and it's what's made me the way I am. I then got mad at myself, because I realize it's moments like these that have made me slip back into my old habits. I realized I should have been grateful to Tony, because he told me what I should be doing, and helped me keep my goals in sight. I apologized to him once we got in the car, and explained to him how I was feeling, and he apologized too for even buying the cake (which was sweet, but he didn't have to - after all, he can eat what he wants. He shouldn't have to suffer because of me).
We then went home. Anthony let me and Tony have the rest of the food that he and Lora didn't eat (they had Turkey Patty Melts, and had two left over that we cooked), so I wasn't so upset about not using the kitchen to cook something healthy. Then I did my EA Active workout for Tony - he's the one who got it for me for Christmas, and he wanted to see how it worked - and then we had dessert. He had his cake, and I had my WW Peanut Butter Cup Sundae.
Yesterday was hard, and not all of it was fun, but it made me realize something about myself. This journey to a healthy lifestyle is one that I have to do for myself. If I try to do it for anyone else, it's not going to work. I know this is something I've been telling myself for a while now, but last night it just really seemed to sink in. I can't depend on other people to hold me up and keep me on track - granted, that does help me a lot. But if that's the only reason I keep on doing this, then I'm doing it for the wrong reasons.
So today I'm asking myself: how important is being healthy to me today? Maybe if I ask that question everyday, my goals won't seem quite so far away on that horizon.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Update from last night (that I forgot to do...)
Meant to update last night, but I forgot to do so... got caught up with some drama (nothing too big, just dealing with some moron on YT), but I'm back now, and have nothing but good things to report about last night. :)
Went to work with my dinner packed and ready, and I was determined to stay on track. Of course, as fate would have it, it wouldn't be easy... especially since I'd last worked, we had started getting items for our new theme coming in next week: Chocolate and Coffee. So now we have all kinds of new chocolate items on sale (including a 6-7 oz. Hershey's Cookies & Cream bar... which is my favorite of all the Hershey bars...), and believe me, it was hard to say no. But I did, and I was so proud of myself. I didn't buy anything to eat from work, and I managed to control myself.
Then I got home, and I was hungry - work usually stirs up my appetite - and of course, what is waiting for me there? About three unfinished pizzas. Anthony had the guys over to hang out for the night, and they had ordered pizza out. And let me tell you, if you're hungry, pizza smells really, REALLY good. But I managed to stay in control, and instead of heading for the dough and cheese swimming in grease, and instead had a small bowl of cereal and yogurt. Overall, I ended up two points under for the night.
I'm still kinda shocked at my progress. I went from not counting anything and not excercising, to sticking to an specific exercise routine and counting everything I eat. I mean, last night at work I only ate 4 Mentos from the sample box, and I wrote them down and counted them. That's more dedication than I've shown in a very long time.
Maybe I'm finally back on track. At least, I really hope that I am. :D
Went to work with my dinner packed and ready, and I was determined to stay on track. Of course, as fate would have it, it wouldn't be easy... especially since I'd last worked, we had started getting items for our new theme coming in next week: Chocolate and Coffee. So now we have all kinds of new chocolate items on sale (including a 6-7 oz. Hershey's Cookies & Cream bar... which is my favorite of all the Hershey bars...), and believe me, it was hard to say no. But I did, and I was so proud of myself. I didn't buy anything to eat from work, and I managed to control myself.
Then I got home, and I was hungry - work usually stirs up my appetite - and of course, what is waiting for me there? About three unfinished pizzas. Anthony had the guys over to hang out for the night, and they had ordered pizza out. And let me tell you, if you're hungry, pizza smells really, REALLY good. But I managed to stay in control, and instead of heading for the dough and cheese swimming in grease, and instead had a small bowl of cereal and yogurt. Overall, I ended up two points under for the night.
I'm still kinda shocked at my progress. I went from not counting anything and not excercising, to sticking to an specific exercise routine and counting everything I eat. I mean, last night at work I only ate 4 Mentos from the sample box, and I wrote them down and counted them. That's more dedication than I've shown in a very long time.
Maybe I'm finally back on track. At least, I really hope that I am. :D
Friday, January 8, 2010
Can it be?!?
So yesterday was a good day - nay, a great day! I exercised, journaled everything, and didn't feel like I was depriving myself of anything. I only went one point over for the day, which is very good, and I'm thrilled with how one-track I've been staying.
Tonight kinda worries me though. I have to work tonight, which is never conducive to my WW plans. See, I work in the retail department at Cracker Barrel, which sometime proves difficult when I'm trying to eat healthy. It's easier than working as a server, or in the kitchen, I'm sure. I'm not around all of the yummy food that's cooked in the back. But I am around the food we serve in the retail store, namely all the candy. Which also proves harder to avoid when we do samples of said candy... I always end up snacking on food I don't need.
So now I'm taking measures to prevent that from happening. I'll be eating a later lunch than normal (mainly because I had a late breakfast), and I'm planning to pack my dinner for the night and stick to it. I don't think it will be easy, but I really want to stay on track this week, so I'm determined to do well.
I'll try to remember to update again tonight before I go to bed. Maybe knowing I'll have to come clean in writing tonight will keep me from snacking too much tonight. :)
Tonight kinda worries me though. I have to work tonight, which is never conducive to my WW plans. See, I work in the retail department at Cracker Barrel, which sometime proves difficult when I'm trying to eat healthy. It's easier than working as a server, or in the kitchen, I'm sure. I'm not around all of the yummy food that's cooked in the back. But I am around the food we serve in the retail store, namely all the candy. Which also proves harder to avoid when we do samples of said candy... I always end up snacking on food I don't need.
So now I'm taking measures to prevent that from happening. I'll be eating a later lunch than normal (mainly because I had a late breakfast), and I'm planning to pack my dinner for the night and stick to it. I don't think it will be easy, but I really want to stay on track this week, so I'm determined to do well.
I'll try to remember to update again tonight before I go to bed. Maybe knowing I'll have to come clean in writing tonight will keep me from snacking too much tonight. :)
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
One day later, and I'm already off the wagon.
That's right. Didn't make the best choices today.
I mean, I started with good intentions. I got up early today and ate a small breakfast to tide myself over, since I was visiting a friend of mine. We were having a long-overdue Christmas get-together. And as it turns out, I had to leave earlier than intended in order to buy something I forgot. Problem #1: did not get to work out.
After that, we had lunch at Heather's place - Papa John's pizza. Now, I knew this was going to take points, so I only ate two pieces, which was kinda huge for me. Pizza is something I love, and I wanted a third piece so bad. But I knew I wasn't hungry, so I said no. So there's something I did right.
As it turned out, tho, we stayed much later than anticipated. I'm certainly not complaining about it; we had a blast together. But it did result in my itching for an afternoon snack, and when Rose pulled out the potato chips, I couldn't say no. Add on top of that I got an extra piece of Christmas cake, and yeah, I might have not made the best choices.
Then when I got home, my plan was to simply eat a Lean Cuisine for dinner... but that didn't work so well either. I saw leftover pizza from last night in the fridge (I know!! More pizza!!), so I had that and two small bowl of cereal instead. *sigh* I did not do as well as I anticipated today.
But I'm not beating myself up over it. Tomorrow is a new day, and I don't have any plans tomorrow that should put me off track. The most exciting thing I may be doing is going to a movie. I am a little worried about tomorrow night, tho. I will be babysitting, and I tend to stress eat a little when I do (I'm always a little on edge when I'm watching over someone else's children). But I really want to do well tomorrow.
And another good thing I did today: I journaled!! I have not tracked even one entire day in just months, and I practically blew it today. But I faced my choices, and I'm proud of that much. :)
Tomorrow, I will definitely be journaling, and I WILL be more on track. I want to see results on those scaled next week!!
I mean, I started with good intentions. I got up early today and ate a small breakfast to tide myself over, since I was visiting a friend of mine. We were having a long-overdue Christmas get-together. And as it turns out, I had to leave earlier than intended in order to buy something I forgot. Problem #1: did not get to work out.
After that, we had lunch at Heather's place - Papa John's pizza. Now, I knew this was going to take points, so I only ate two pieces, which was kinda huge for me. Pizza is something I love, and I wanted a third piece so bad. But I knew I wasn't hungry, so I said no. So there's something I did right.
As it turned out, tho, we stayed much later than anticipated. I'm certainly not complaining about it; we had a blast together. But it did result in my itching for an afternoon snack, and when Rose pulled out the potato chips, I couldn't say no. Add on top of that I got an extra piece of Christmas cake, and yeah, I might have not made the best choices.
Then when I got home, my plan was to simply eat a Lean Cuisine for dinner... but that didn't work so well either. I saw leftover pizza from last night in the fridge (I know!! More pizza!!), so I had that and two small bowl of cereal instead. *sigh* I did not do as well as I anticipated today.
But I'm not beating myself up over it. Tomorrow is a new day, and I don't have any plans tomorrow that should put me off track. The most exciting thing I may be doing is going to a movie. I am a little worried about tomorrow night, tho. I will be babysitting, and I tend to stress eat a little when I do (I'm always a little on edge when I'm watching over someone else's children). But I really want to do well tomorrow.
And another good thing I did today: I journaled!! I have not tracked even one entire day in just months, and I practically blew it today. But I faced my choices, and I'm proud of that much. :)
Tomorrow, I will definitely be journaling, and I WILL be more on track. I want to see results on those scaled next week!!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Tuesday Night Update
Went to my first WW meeting of 2010 tonight. Sadly, it'll be my last meeting on a Tuesday night for quite some while. I start school again next week, and unfortunately there a class I have to take in order to graduate, 6 - 8 PM on Tuesday nights. Until May, I have to find a new meeting to plug into. I'm not too happy about it, but Stacey, my regular meeting leader, has promised to help me find a new temporary home. In the meantime, Mess (my aunt) is going to keep going to the Tuesday night meetings, and keep me posted on what's going on. She'll also go to the other meetings with me, so she'll be hitting up two meetings a week. She's pretty awesome.
I realized while I started my blog earlier today, I thought I might include some stats that might shed some more light of where I've come from and how far I have to go.
Starting weight: 235.6 lbs.
Lowest weight: 187.2 lbs
Current weight: 201.2 lbs
Greatest loss: 48.4 lbs
Current loss: 34.4 lbs.
Goal weight: 155 lbs.
Pounds to lose: 46.2 lbs
It's weird, seeing all that down in writing. Knowing I've gained exactly 14 lbs. back... it makes me kinda sad, that I let myself go that far. But I also feel empowered now. I know how much I need to lose. And even more empowering, I know what I need to do to lose it. :)
My goals for this week are to journal my food intake and do my EA Active workout 3-4 times this week. Those are two things I've been terrible at lately, so those are the two things I'm going to focus on this week.
Overall, I'm feeling pretty okay about this upcoming week. I'm going to do my best, and that's all I can do. :)
I realized while I started my blog earlier today, I thought I might include some stats that might shed some more light of where I've come from and how far I have to go.
Starting weight: 235.6 lbs.
Lowest weight: 187.2 lbs
Current weight: 201.2 lbs
Greatest loss: 48.4 lbs
Current loss: 34.4 lbs.
Goal weight: 155 lbs.
Pounds to lose: 46.2 lbs
It's weird, seeing all that down in writing. Knowing I've gained exactly 14 lbs. back... it makes me kinda sad, that I let myself go that far. But I also feel empowered now. I know how much I need to lose. And even more empowering, I know what I need to do to lose it. :)
My goals for this week are to journal my food intake and do my EA Active workout 3-4 times this week. Those are two things I've been terrible at lately, so those are the two things I'm going to focus on this week.
Overall, I'm feeling pretty okay about this upcoming week. I'm going to do my best, and that's all I can do. :)
Let's Get It Started!
Another blog I'm starting, this one with a point that hits a little closer to home.
Over the last year and a half, I have been trying to lose weight and grow into a healthier person. All of my life I have been overweight, and until I actually began this endeavor to get healthy, I never knew that I was actually obese. All I knew was that I never felt completely comfortable with my body, and never truly felt beautiful.
But that has changed drastically. I joined Weight Watchers, and with the program I have lost quite a few pounds. The highest I got in my weight loss was 48 lbs, so close to 50. But since then, I've slipped a little, and now I'm back to 39.9 lbs lost. Overall, my progress has been great, and I feel better about myself than I ever have in the past. But the last few months in particular have been particularly rough, and I'm not sure what to do in order to get back on track.
Hence why I'm here.
This blog is meant as a way for me to keep myself accountable in how I live day to day. I know a lot of you may find this boring, but this isn't so much for other readers as it is for myself. The reason why I am making it public is because if there is one person out there who is inspired by my story, as I have been by countless others that I have heard and read, then all this was worth it.
Weight loss is not easy; growing healthy is even harder. But it's something I want so badly, and I'm willing to do whatever I need to do in order to get back on track, and remember my dreams.
Over the last year and a half, I have been trying to lose weight and grow into a healthier person. All of my life I have been overweight, and until I actually began this endeavor to get healthy, I never knew that I was actually obese. All I knew was that I never felt completely comfortable with my body, and never truly felt beautiful.
But that has changed drastically. I joined Weight Watchers, and with the program I have lost quite a few pounds. The highest I got in my weight loss was 48 lbs, so close to 50. But since then, I've slipped a little, and now I'm back to 39.9 lbs lost. Overall, my progress has been great, and I feel better about myself than I ever have in the past. But the last few months in particular have been particularly rough, and I'm not sure what to do in order to get back on track.
Hence why I'm here.
This blog is meant as a way for me to keep myself accountable in how I live day to day. I know a lot of you may find this boring, but this isn't so much for other readers as it is for myself. The reason why I am making it public is because if there is one person out there who is inspired by my story, as I have been by countless others that I have heard and read, then all this was worth it.
Weight loss is not easy; growing healthy is even harder. But it's something I want so badly, and I'm willing to do whatever I need to do in order to get back on track, and remember my dreams.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
